im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
