It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize