It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
