3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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