my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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