Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You ate ashes out of my bong
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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