reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
