Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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