I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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