On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
