I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
