i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
