Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
