Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
