yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm too high and old for this...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
