wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
