carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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