I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
