Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
where are you?
Hypothermia
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
