It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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