I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I use my feet as sexual weapons
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
