Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
