I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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