i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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