I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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