we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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