You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize