my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
