So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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