you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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