at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
