yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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