she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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