I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
