This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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