How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
