the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
