I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
