This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
