Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone signed my nipple.
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