there's paper in my vomit.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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