I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
