This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
