I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize