my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
