I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
