I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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