Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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