that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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