The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
