He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You pole danced in your parka.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
