I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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