i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it because I queefed?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
