Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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