We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
