Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
