When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
