You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
