she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
