He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
