why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
