I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
