your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
