my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
