Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
